From Needing to Be Valued to Choosing to Bring Value
ALIGN Trait: Behavior
Subconscious Myth: “I need to be valued.”
Conscious Alignment: “I desire to bring value.”
Art Imitating Life: The Office and the “Value” Trap
In the hit series The Office, Andy Bernard is a classic example of someone desperate to feel valuable. Whether it’s through music, mimicking others’ success, or grandiose attempts at leadership, Andy is perpetually chasing validation. His value, in his eyes, is always externally measured.
But the most telling moments come when he stops chasing approval and starts genuinely contributing—like when he helps colleagues without trying to steal the spotlight. That’s when he’s at his best, and ironically, when others finally start to appreciate him. The same is true for us: the more we chase recognition, the more elusive it becomes. When we commit to bringing value instead, the recognition often follows.
The SHIFT Matrix in Action
Situation
You’re feeling underappreciated. You’ve been working hard, but the recognition is going elsewhere. Resentment builds, and motivation drops. It’s easy to start pulling back—or worse, demanding to be seen.
Habits
Over time, you’ve built behaviors that center around proving yourself—highlighting your own work, seeking affirmation, or comparing your contribution to others. These habits may not seem toxic at first, but they slowly pull you out of alignment.
Common Habit Warning Signs:
- Keeping mental score of your contributions
- Being hyper-aware of others’ recognition
- Taking feedback personally instead of constructively
Insight
The myth of “I need to be valued” drives behavior that’s performance-based rather than purpose-based. If your worth depends on being seen, you’ll burn out trying to stay visible. But when your purpose is to bring value, your internal drive becomes sustainable.
This is the mindset pivot: “I don’t need others to define my value—I choose to contribute meaningfully because I believe in what I’m doing.” That shift changes how you show up, especially when no one’s watching.
Formulation
Refocus your contribution from being seen to making an impact. This doesn’t mean becoming invisible—it means anchoring your actions in purpose, not praise.
Formulation Strategies:
- Write down one thing you want to improve that brings value to others, even if no one notices.
- Ask your team or leader: “What’s one area where I can add more value without adding noise?”
- Measure your work not by compliments received, but by the outcomes it creates.
Transformation
As you practice this alignment, something changes: your confidence becomes intrinsic, your impact becomes clearer, and ironically, your value becomes more recognized—because it’s authentic.
You stop trying to be the loudest voice in the room and start becoming the most grounded. And the team notices. The freedom that comes from detaching your worth from recognition is the doorway to true leadership.
Practical Next Step
Host a 15-minute “value alignment” huddle with your team. Ask:
- Where do we spend energy trying to be noticed instead of being useful?
- What silent contributions need to be celebrated?
- How do we reward real value, not just visible value?
Document the responses and commit to one change that shifts the team culture toward purposeful contribution.
