Why Addressing Conflict Isn’t the Same as Solving It
Let’s talk about that one awkward workplace conversation everyone remembers—but no one mentions afterward.
Maybe it was two coworkers hashing it out during a tense team meeting. Maybe it was you and your boss “clearing the air.” Maybe someone said, “Let’s just move on,” and everyone nodded politely while the real issue sat in the room like a broken printer—ignored but still humming in the background.
Here’s the unpolished truth: Most workplace conflict isn’t resolved. It’s just acknowledged… and left to simmer quietly.
Addressing ≠ Resolving
You can “talk it through,” “speak your truth,” or even “agree to disagree”—and still walk away carrying tension like a grudge in a business casual outfit. Why? Because conflict isn’t resolved just by naming it. It’s resolved when both people walk away with clarity, closure, and a shared commitment to move forward. Too often, we fake-finish conflict like we’re skipping the last episode of a series—we don’t want to deal with what actually happens next.
Music, Tension, and the Power of Resolution
In music theory, there’s a concept called dissonance—where notes clash, creating a sound that’s tense, uncomfortable, unresolved. But here’s the thing: great music needs that tension. It creates drama. Emotion. Stakes.
Then comes the resolution—the return to harmony, the chord that finally fits. And when that happens? Goosebumps. Release. Wholeness. Workplace conflict is no different. Most teams get stuck in dissonance, never resolving the chord. They start the symphony and never finish the final movement. No wonder things feel off. Think about Bohemian Rhapsody. It’s chaos, opera, rock, grief, and power—all tangled together. But by the end, the chaos folds back into peace: “Nothing really matters… to me.” Tension… and release.
The Mad Men Effect
Look no further than Mad Men for a case study in long-form tension. Don and Peggy—two brilliant, stubborn forces—clash for seasons. And yet, their relationship doesn’t resolve through a single heart-to-heart. It evolves through understanding, time, and eventually mutual respect.
It’s not one scene. It’s a symphony.
Why We Fake-Finish Conflict
- It’s uncomfortable. Like holding a dissonant chord—people want relief, fast.
- Power dynamics. People defer to hierarchy, which often leads to politeness over truth.
- We confuse “talking about it” with “doing something about it.” Like playing one note and calling it a song.
So What Is Real Resolution?
True resolution involves:
- Shared understanding of the issue
- Ownership of each person’s role
- Behavioral change or commitment
- Emotional closure, not just verbal truce
It’s not just the notes—it’s how they come together in the end.
Spotting the Illusion of Resolution
Ask yourself:
- Did anything actually change?
- Do both parties feel seen and heard?
- Did the relationship evolve, or did the tension just go underground?
- Was anything left unsaid to avoid discomfort?
If the answers point to “it fizzled out,” you’ve got a ghost conflict—and ghost conflicts haunt your team’s performance.
Finish the Song
Here’s how to take conflict from chaos to harmony:
- Circle Back – Reopen the loop: “Can we revisit that talk and check in on how it landed?”
- Name the Shift – “What will be different moving forward?”
- Behavior Over Emotion – “Let’s agree to give early feedback, not stew in silence.”
- Make Closure Visible – Write it down. Share it. Say, “This is where we end this chapter.”
