You Can’t Solve What You Can’t Name
Let’s cut to it: Most workplace conflict resolution meetings start too soon.
People come in hot—hurt, defensive, unclear—and try to “talk it out” without even knowing what they’re actually trying to say. That’s like walking into a recording studio with no lyrics and yelling into the mic: it’s gonna be noise, not a hit.
Why Clarity is Step One
Before resolution, before the meeting, before the “we need to talk,” there has to be clarity. Not just about what happened, but about what it meant to you—and what you want moving forward.
Without that? You’re showing up to a chess match holding Uno cards.
Pop Culture Case Study: Inception
Remember Inception? The deeper they go into the dream layers, the closer they get to the truth. The surface-level isn’t enough. You have to go deeper—into motivations, memories, meaning.
Conflict works the same way. If you only react to what’s visible—“He cut me off in the meeting”—you miss what’s underneath—“I feel like my voice doesn’t matter.”
You can’t fix what you haven’t named. You can’t name what you haven’t understood.
The Music Parallel: From Noise to Notes
Before a great composition is performed, the musician must tune their instrument. Imagine showing up to a concert, jumping straight into a performance with out-of-sync instruments. It doesn’t matter how skilled the players are—it’ll sound like a mess.
Your inner state is the same. If you don’t tune in first—get clear on your own part in the conflict, your emotions, and your goals—then what comes out in conversation is just noise.
Questions to Create Clarity Before You Confront
- What actually happened? (Stick to the facts.)
- How did it make me feel? (Go beyond mad/sad. Try invisible, betrayed, dismissed.)
- Why did it affect me that way? (History? Identity? Values?)
- What do I want to be different going forward?
- What am I responsible for in this?
This isn’t about assigning blame. It’s about taking ownership of your half of the story—so you can bring a whole self to the table.
The Workplace Tie-In: Clarity Saves Culture
In fast-paced organizations, conflict often gets shrugged off because nobody has time to “go deep.” But shallow conflict resolution is like a poorly mixed album—it might technically finish, but nobody wants to listen to it twice.
When people skip clarity, they start fights they don’t understand, defend positions they haven’t examined, and create tension that ripples across teams.
When they start with clarity, they show up composed, curious, and ready to co-create a better outcome.
Tools for Pre-Conversation Clarity
- Journaling – Write it out like a rough draft. Unedited. Let it pour out, then distill the truth.
- Voice Notes – Record yourself talking through what happened. Listen back to catch your own patterns.
- Coaching or Mentoring – Talk to someone neutral who won’t just take your side, but help you see your blind spots.
Final Thought: Don’t Just Talk. Tune First.
Music without tuning is noise. Conflict without clarity is chaos. Don’t rush to “have the conversation” until you know what the conversation’s really about—for you.
Before you walk into the room, ask yourself: Am I ready to play the right notes… or am I still just clanging around?
